Blurb:
Abeje and Aiden’s time on the run is cut short.
Content Warnings:
Arson, car crash, death row (referenced), deprived of HRT, dissociation, domestic violence (referenced, not described), injury, inmate violence (referenced), parent death, police brutality, prison, semi explicit sexual content, sexual assault + rape (past and referenced), solitary confinement
***If I missed any content warnings, please contact me and I will update them as soon as possible.
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Abeje
March 1972
The sun’s blinding rays forced Abeje to close her eyes. Head tilted up towards an open window of a moving car, she let the warmth and breeze hit her face. Her father Anthony cruised down the streets of Pike Road. Elated tunes left his lips as he celebrated having a rare chance to skip church.
Abeje was grateful when she woke up closer to noon, Anthony telling her there would be no worship today. A sigh of relief left her upon hearing the news. She didn’t enjoy dealing with the close-quartered, loud services her mother Dorothy Ann forced everyone to attend. Abeje often zoned out, pretending to listen so that mom wouldn’t get upset. Her twin brother Aiden seemed to share this sentiment, often drawing circles in his legs for the entire sermon, or outright falling asleep.
So now that their mother was in Montana on family business, Anthony took the twins out to the park. On the way home, Abeje enjoyed the scenery and Aiden inspected the buttons on his cardigan as usual. He often fidgeted with fabrics, feeling the textures and inspecting the seams. Abeje stuck her hand out the window, making her fingers dance in the wind.
When everyone got through the front door a few minutes later, Anthony patted both Aiden and Abeje’s heads. “Go play,” he said, gesturing to the pile of toys on the floor. “I’m gonna go read–”
“Can you play dress up with us?” Abeje asked.
“I’m fine with that,” Anthony and Aiden exchanged conversation via silent looks. It ended with Abeje’s brother giggling as Anthony turned his attention back to her. “Sounds like everyone’s in. What shall we dress up as today?”
Aiden put a hand over one eye, making a fake hook shape with the other. Anthony recognized this as ‘pirate.’ Abeje wanted something a little different.
“I wanna be a model!” She exclaimed, standing up and striking a pose.
Anthony smiled. “A pirate and a model, huh? I can work with that.”
He swept up both twins in his arms, granting them a hip each as he headed into their room. Together, the trio pilfered through drawer after drawer, finding clothes befitting of the chosen themes. For Aiden, Anthony plucked a red shirt and tattered shorts from Abeje’s wardrobe. For Abeje, he dug into Aiden’s, finding a sparkly pink dress. At the sight, Abeje jumped up and down.
Now donning costumes, the twins returned to the living room. Abeje went down an imaginary red carpet and Aiden rowed a boat. A sudden wave of sadness crashed over Abeje as she touched her hair, finding it close to her scalp. She stopped, sinking to her knees as Anthony sat beside her.
“What’s the matter, pumpkin?”
“I want long, pretty hair.” she complained, wiping her eyes.
“I see,” His eyes lightened as he smiled. “Stay right here.”
He came back with a long, flowy wig from Dorothy Ann’s collection, along with shiny lip balm.
“That’s Mommy’s,” Abeje whispered. “I don’t wanna get in trouble.”
“It’s okay. We got three more days before she’s back. I’ll put everything away later.”
Before she could protest further, Anthony slipped the wig onto Abeje’s head. As soon as the curls spilled down her shoulders, elation sent shockwaves through her, manifesting in rapid hand-shakes.
“You want some lip balm too?” He asked.
She nodded, bouncing as Anthony opened the lip gloss, laughing as he tried–and failed–to apply it.
“Hold still for one sec,” he said, putting a hand on her shoulder. When she stopped moving, he swiped the applicator across her lips. “Okay, bounce away!”
She did, springing up and joining Aiden. The two ran circles around each other until exhaustion sent them both to the floor. They lay side to side as Anthony made lunch.
Later that night, he read to the twins. Abeje tried to focus on the story, but couldn’t think beyond the dress-up game. The “game,” wherein she felt more like herself than she normally did. She kept her sadness quiet, since any self-expression unrelated to God was unimportant. Her mother told her such.
Noticing the shift in her mood, Anthony kneeled by her bed after tucking Aiden in. “What’s the matter?”
“I want girl clothes.” Abeje said.
His face fell. “Oh…” he ran a hand along her cheek, sadness filling his eyes. “I don’t think Mommy would like that very much.”
“Why?”
“I think she would get upset.”
Even though he hugged her after, a hole of dread punched through her stomach. The lack of explanation bothered her, but he turned off the light, kissed her forehead and left. She couldn’t help but wonder why mom was never happy, and never proud of her family.
Her soft cries alerted Aiden, who crossed the room. He wiggled his way next to her, hugging her until the tears ceased.
April 24th, 2000
Abeje threw her locs into a ponytail as she waited out front Aiden’s apartment. Growing impatient, she lightly knocked again after a couple minutes. When the door opened, she expected to see him, or Masika.
Instead, she saw their child, Bug. They stared up at her with big, wide eyes. Up until this point, she’d never seen so much as a picture of them. Aiden preferred to keep all correspondence as impersonal as possible, so Abeje never heard about how his family was doing. Bug was cute as a button, two braids laying over their shoulders with bows matching their orange dress. Abeje couldn’t help but notice how much they looked like her and Aiden when they were kids.
“Who are you?” Bug asked innocently.
Abeje gasped, feigning shock. “Nobody’s told you about the Great Auntie Abeje?!?!” She crossed her arms, tossing a look of false hurt. “I’m offended.”
Footsteps resounded through the house as Masika rushed downstairs. When she entered Abeje’s sight, she clutched her chest in relief. She petted Bug’s hand with a sigh.
“Bug, told you not to answer the door,” she reminded them as she picked them up. Flashing a smile at Abeje, she tilted her head. “Hey, Abeje.”
“You didn’t tell Bug the coolest aunt ever would be coming by for their birthday?” Abeje teased.
Masika chuckled, inviting her in. “Well, wanted it to be a surprise.”
“What’s an aunt?” They asked.
“She’s your dad’s sister, Bug.” Masika answered, hand on their back as all three walked to the living room.
Bug tossed a glance at Abeje over their shoulder. “She looks a lot like him.”
“That’s ‘cause we’re twins,” Abeje explained.
“What’s that?”
“Dang, sounds like your mom’s gotta work on her teaching skills,” Abeje joked, although Masika couldn’t be less amused. “It means we were both in our mom’s belly at the same time.”
“Woah!”
Bug sat on the floor as Masika brought them a couple toys. “Will be in the kitchen.” she told Bug, motioning for Abeje to follow her. Abeje absorbed the interior of the house as she followed. “Can I get you anything?”
“You can give me a hug, since I haven’t seen your ass since you saved mine,” Abeje smiled as Masika opened her arms for an embrace. Abeje crushed her, eliciting a yelp. She pulled away, kissing both of the other woman’s cheeks before giggling, “Where’s Aiden?”
“Working. Took the day off, he did, but got called in. Apparently a toilet broke.”
“Well…shit happens, I guess,” Laughing at her own joke, she then sniffed the air. “You makin’ chili?”
“Yes. Been Bug’s favorite lately. A bit surprising considering how particular they are. Makin’ that and a cake, but haven’t started prep for that yet.”
“Can I help?”
“Sure.”
Abeje threw together the cake ingredients while Masika made the frosting. About halfway through the process, Masika suddenly rushed out of the kitchen, leaving Abeje alone. She reappeared holding a sleeping Bug.
Gently rubbing their back, Masika planted a kiss between their closed eyes. “Gonna put them in bed real quick,” she whispered. “Don’t set my kitchen on fire.”
“That’s your thing, not mine,” Abeje whispered back with a wink.
Masika rewarded the remark with a grin.
In the time it took for Masika to return, Abeje noticed a photo on the fridge. It featured Bug squished between Aiden and Masika, all three smiling ear-to-ear. The sight made Abeje’s heart sing. As soon as Masika came back, she asked about it.
“That was a couple days ago, when Mahpiya came by to wish Bug an early happy birthday.”
A tide of sadness brushed through Abeje, one of longing.
Once the cake was in the oven, Abeje helped Masika decorate the living room a bit. Recognizing the exhaustion in Masika’s eyes, Abeje took over. The other woman brought her a beer as thanks.
“Ah, you know me so well. Thanks.”
Sharing the couch, the two relaxed in silence. Abeje noticed how different Masika was now versus high school. She still held herself in an abnormal way, as if her head was too heavy to bear. But she seemed a lot more relaxed, less on edge. Abeje’s eyes roamed the walls. How did we all end up on such strange paths? She thought.
“I can’t believe you knocked Aiden up,” Abeje said honestly. “I never pictured my brother having a kid, but here we are.”
Masika blushed. “Was an accident, you know. Not planned whatsoever.”
Abeje draped her arm over the couch, facing her. “Do you regret it?”
“No. Definitely not,” Masika said. “Very happy with how everything turned out. Even with all the bumps in the road.”
“Good.”
“What about you?” She crossed her arms, leaned back. “Sacrificed your whole life and safety to protect Aiden. Can’t imagine that’s easy. Know last time we talked you seemed fine, but I worry.”
The question took Abeje aback. She wasn’t vulnerable–she was a comedian, an uplifter of spirits. Her role aligned with keeping the people around her happy and laughing. This had been the case since her childhood. Or was it? She recalled Aiden’s elbow in her side every time she tried to downplay her emotions growing up. It’s okay to be honest, he would say with his pleading eyes. Talk to me. She could trust Masika too.
“It can be a lot sometimes. I wish I could be outside more. When I’m not delivering, I’m holed up at the facility. Don’t get me wrong, I’m grateful Ayce took me in. But…” Abeje sighed. “I really miss Aiden. I wish I could be here for all of you.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be. I’m still glad I did what I did. Aiden doesn’t deserve to fry for defending himself. And I know he’s so much happier now.”
As if spoken into existence, Aiden opened the front door. As soon as he did, Abeje ran and tackled him with a hug. He nearly fell over, grumbling in irritation as she wrestled him into a headlock. Masika rolled her eyes from where she sat.
“Lord. Back in high school, are we?” She joked.
“My baad,” Abeje pecked Aiden’s forehead. “I’ll stop beatin’ you up. What’s up, bro? How was work?”
Aiden grumbled in response. He patted her head before vanishing upstairs. Recognizing that he probably needed time to recoup, Abeje indulged in another beer.
Right when Aiden got out of the shower, Bug woke up from their nap. As the two walked downstairs, Masika and Abeje placed the cake on the coffee table. Masika finished haphazardly adding five candles when Bug bounded into the room, their father in tow.
“Suprise!” Abeje and Masika shouted.
Bug darted for the cake, grabbing a fistful before any of the adults could react. Everyone laughed as Masika rounded the table, gently pushing them away to light the candles. “Hold on, you gotta make a wish!” She told them as she backed up.
Kneeling on the floor, they closed their eyes to make a wish. Everyone cheered once they blew the flames out, chowing down on the chunk of cake they nabbed. Masika cut slices for herself, Abeje and Aiden as the twins occupied the couch.
Cake devoured, the festivities moved on. Bug opened their presents, starting with Masika and Aiden’s. Unfurling a handmade yellow dress from a box, they gasped.
“Polly’s dress?!”
“Yup,” Masika said. “Daddy made it since she’s your favorite.”
Knowing her gift also pertained to Secrets of Etraria–a cartoon beloved to Bug–Abeje waited eagerly for them to open it. As soon as they tore the paper and saw the item, they ripped the rest of the packaging open. A doll of Polly sat in their hands as they stared in awe.
“She’s so pretty!” Without warning, Bug leapt into Abeje’s arms. “Thank you, auntie Abeje!”
As she wrapped her arms around Bug’s back, a couple tears escaped. “Of course, kid.”
Trotting to Aiden and Masika, they stood on their toes. “Can auntie Abeje stay here forever?” They asked.
The strings from Abeje’s earlier conversation with Masika tied into an ugly bow of depressing thoughts. Reality kicked into overdrive as Abeje frowned at them. Her and Aiden were fugitives, and who knows what Masika ran from. Even if Abeje wanted a normal life, she would never, ever get one. Instead of cracking a joke, Abeje decided to be serious.
“I can’t stay. I’ve got some…important things to do back home. I probably won’t see you again for a very long time,” she said. “But I’ll try to be here for like, I don’t know, your tenth birthday. That’s pretty big, right?”
“You promise?”
Although the action made her sick, Abeje nodded. “I promise.”
She tried to get out of her head for the rest of the evening, but struggled. Her attempt to leave early was thwarted by Aiden, who insisted she stay the night after such long travels. Resigning to silence during dinner, she only spoke up again to tell Bug goodnight. Once they were asleep, Masika and Aiden approached Abeje in the living room.
“Wanna drink out back?” Masika suggested.
Abeje couldn’t say no to that.
Blowing through a couple cases of beer, the trio got incredibly drunk. Masika didn’t last long, calling it a night after drinking two. She kissed Aiden goodnight before vanishing inside, leaving the twins alone. Eyes on the robust garden, Abeje’s mind trailed to the despondence poisoning her veins, slowly but surely.
Sensing her strife, Aiden nudged her. What’s the matter? His raised eyebrows questioned.
“Being here and seeing you guys got me realizing a lot. Mainly that…I’ll never have a normal life. That I’ll never be able to live in peace.”
As soon as the words left her mouth, Aiden teared up. She didn’t notice until he sniffled and wiped his nose with a sleeve.
“Hey, nonono,” she took his hand. “I don’t regret what I did, okay? I just wish we could wipe our hands clean. I wanna live near you guys. I wanna see Bug grow up. And…I can’t. Not in the way I want to.”
Wiping his face, Aiden nodded in understanding. He procured a random business card from the table in front of him, along with a pen. Once he finished writing, he slid it to Abeje.
No matter how far away you are, we all love you. And we will all love you forever. Maybe one day, we won’t have to run anymore.
Abeje choked up.
April 2003
“Hey, are you alright?”
Abeje leaned forward on the edge of a bed, eyes locked on the television. A news segment ran as sweat formed on both her brows. She acknowledged Ayce’s question with a firm shake of her head.
Yesterday, she and Ayce–her partner in crime and best friend–arrived in Maryland. Aiden had confirmed he and the family would be moving to Hagerstown. Abeje planned to surprise him and help unpack, Ayce tagging along for support. Aiden promised to let her know when he arrived safely.
Nearly 24 hours later, she hadn’t heard a peep. She paced in the hotel room all day. Ayce relaxed, oblivious until Abeje started flipping through news channels, her feet nervously jittering against the carpet.
“They should’ve been here by now, Ayce. Aiden ain’t answering his email, and nobody’s picking up the emergency cell phone. Somethin’s wrong.” Not impervious to Ayce’s look of discomfort, Abeje frowned. “Sorry. I can’t be all hunky-dory when I’m stressed the hell out.”
“You’re good, I promise. I’d be worried too. I’m mainly wondering what the news is gonna do.”
Abeje couldn’t explain the hunch that made her shoulders clench. It was a sinking suspicion that she would see either Masika and Aiden on the news. Normally, she’d act purely on impulse, drive right over to Nevada to figure things out. But something told her she needed to tread carefully.
Sure enough, Abeje’s heart dropped during the seven o’clock news segment. She lurched forward, staring straight into the screen with her jaw hung ajar. Masika’s mugshot confirmed her worst fears. As the reporter rattled off a number of charges, Abeje got up and threw her jacket on.
“I gotta find Aiden and Bug, now,” She said, heading for the door.
Ayce stood, grabbed her wrist. “Hold on. You have no idea what you could be getting into.”
“I don’t care. I need to make sure my family’s safe.”
“Alright, alright. I’m coming with you.”
***
Abeje drove with Ayce to Craydon even though it took two days. Abeje only stopped to relieve herself and eat, both of which Ayce had to force her to do. She knew shouldn’t magically make the trip go faster, but she wanted to get through it. She needed to make sure Aiden and Bug were okay.
Damn if she didn’t have a plan, she’d figure it out.
As soon as she rolled into town, Abeje went to the apartment. If she fully listened to the news report, she would’ve heard that Masika burnt it down. The sight didn’t faze her regardless. She stared sadly at the skeleton of the apartment, and the garden, now unattended and guaranteed to rot.
“Masika and her damn fire,” she mumbled, scratching her head as she tried to piece together the information. It wasn’t enough–too many were missing. “Ayce, help me out here. Why would she burn the apartment down?”
Ayce glanced up from their sketchbook. “Uh…I could guess at least a dozen reasons.”
“Give me one.”
“Well, Aiden wasn’t really trying to lay low, right? Someone easily could’ve figured out where he stayed. Maybe that’s why he, Masika and Bug hauled ass.”
“But where would they go?” She questioned. “And why the fuck would Masika stay behind?”
“Maybe they were on some white people shit? I mean, why else would anyone split up?”
Abeje groaned. Though she didn’t know what transpired, she felt responsible. As if she should have known about the danger and saved her family from it. Ayce’s glare disagreed with this sentiment, as if they read her mind.
“Listen, whatever happened ain’t your fault. Let’s focus on seeing if we can figure out where they went.”
“They’re probably half across the country by now,” Abeje said quietly. “What the fuck do I do?”
“Well, firstly,” Ayce tapped the gas meter nearing empty, “We need to gas up.”
Grateful to have Ayce be the head on her shoulders, Abeje took one last look at the apartment. Memories of Bug’s smile played in her head. Her heart threatened to burst from her chest. Before she knew it, she cried, covering her mouth in an attempt to not outright sob.
“I’m so scared for Bug,” she said, leaning against the window and wiping her eyes. “So fucking scared.”
“One thing at a time, Je.”
At the sound of her nickname, Abeje allowed a soft smile. “You’re right. I gotta fucking breathe.”
Taking controlled, deep breaths, Abeje drove to the only gas station in Craydon. Ayce went inside to pay and get food before the potentially long drive. As soon as they entered the building, two patrol cars pulled into the parking lot. Abeje’s heart raced. C’mon, Ayce, hurry up.
Ayce came out empty handed, standing by the passenger window and motioning for Abeje to roll it down. Abeje did so reluctantly, watching the officers exit their vehicle. She popped on a pair of oversized sunglasses to conceal the top half of her face.
“You good?”
“I left my wallet. Can you hand it to me?”
Right as she reached for it, the cops stared straight at her and Ayce. One spoke into his radio as the two approached. Panicked, Abeje unlocked the door. “Get in the car.”
Ayce did as instructed, getting thrown forward as Abeje zipped out of the parking lot. They narrowly avoided hitting their head by putting their hands up. “Jesus!”
“We gotta get the fuck outta here,” Abeje said, zooming down the road. “I should be good for at least another thirty miles–”
The patrol vehicles pulled onto the road behind her, gaining speed. Abeje tried to lose them, only to rear-end a sedan dawdling in front of her. She slammed on the brakes, but it was too late. A crunch of metal echoed in her ears, and the collision throttled her. She hit her head on the steering wheel. As soon as the motion stopped, Abeje reached for Ayce through blurred surroundings. Rough hands suddenly tore her out of the vehicle.
Thrashing away from the arms that tried to pin hers behind her back, Abeje did her best to keep her mouth shut. To not cuss the officer out. A bitter, coppery taste permeated her mouth as her vision cleared. His comrade held Ayce by the neck, handcuffs at the ready. Without thinking, Abeje stomped down on the first offer’s foot. As he let go of her, she tackled the other, socking him in the face. A second later, her whole body seized, the world turning black.
***
Abeje woke up fully to an uncaring, deadpan voice instructing her on where to stand for her mugshot picture.
In one blink, she was in a cell. In another, she sat in an interrogation room, handcuffed to the table. Perhaps two nights had passed, or maybe three. Time bled and details blurred–had she been in a car for some of those nights? Several men inspected her with amused, cautious eyes. The oldest of the group, a white man with a perma-scowl, scrutinized her.
“Can you hear and understand what I’m saying?” he asked. “Nod your head yes or no.”
She nodded. Wordlessly, he brought a pen and paper, placing it right in front of her hands. Just close enough to write on.
“You know…twenty-two years is a long time for no public sightings. The last time we heard about you was when you beat up a few of the agents we sent to Canada. It was a miracle they survived their injuries, Miss. Zetrenne. So I hardly believed it when the Craydon boys reported your arrest. But here you are. In the flesh. After almost getting away with killing an innocent man.”
Abeje’s lips curled into a snarl. An innocent man, huh? What fucking horseshit, she thought.
“Why don’t you tell us about your little friend? The one you were in the car with?”
Knowing Ayce, if arrested, would’ve been smart enough to keep their mouth shut about their involvement, scribbled one sentence: Just a random hitchhiker I was helping out.
“I see, I see…”
He rambled nonsense, asking questions that didn’t make sense to Abeje. Why all the beating around the bush besides the singular mention of Dalton’s murder? She ate through three sheets of paper answering the trivial, mundane inquiries.
Until finally, he retrieved the notepad. He chuckled darkly, “You’re holding out a lot longer than your sister did. But you can drop the act now. The jig is up.”
He tossed a mugshot onto the table. Abeje’s eyes widened in horror. Aiden looked back at her, his face swollen, unrecognizable. Terrified. Abeje’s heart raced–if him and Masika were arrested, what the fuck happened to Bug?
Meeting the cop’s eyes with malice, she uttered one sentence, “I want a lawyer.”
Aiden
June 1972
Dinosaur roars competed with a loud, aggressive back-and-forth between Dorothy Ann and Anthony. Aiden and Abeje’s game mirrored the chaos, a T-rex and triceratops fighting to the death. Though Aiden had fun dodging Abeje’s attacks, he couldn’t help but worry about Anthony. Dorothy Ann dominated the encounter like always, backing him into a corner until he cried.
Recently, Aiden’s lack of speech ignited many arguments between his parents. Dorothy Ann believed it could be unlearned or disciplined out of him; Anthony believed him to be non-verbal, and wanted to take him to a speech therapist. Dorothy Ann didn’t want to “waste money” on something she could allegedly deal with herself. She begged Anthony to believe in her constant prayers to God to make Aiden normal. Anthony refused to.
It always ended the same way; tears, screaming, and physicality. Aiden and Abeje grew accustomed to listening while playing, ready to feign innocence if Dorothy Ann subsequently burst through the door. Each time, Aiden’s insides rotted further. He couldn’t understand why he was such a thorn in his parents’ side. If he could talk, maybe Dorothy Ann would leave Anthony alone.
Today, Anthony rushed into the room instead of Dorothy Ann. He quietly closed the door behind him.
“I’m taking your sister out for ice cream, okay?” he told Abeje in a shaky, disorganized manner. “Come on, honey.”
Anthony took Aiden’s hand, who whimpered in disagreement. He hurriedly grabbed Mr. Snuggles off the bed, handing it to Aiden as they left the room.
Before Anthony and Aiden could make it out the front door, Dorothy Ann stormed in their direction. “What are you doing?”
“Getting my child the hell away from you,” Anthony spat. “Since you wanna act a fool.”
Aiden’s surroundings fuzzed until Anthony buckled him into his car seat. Nothing registered the whole ride. Not the scenery flying by, nor the music playing in the car. Aiden couldn’t focus in the ice cream parlor, either. Not until Anthony wiped the corner of Aiden’s mouth with a napkin, and the child actualized a half eaten ice cream cone in front of him.
“All done?”
Answering with a nod, Aiden looked at him with a forlorn expression. Anthony reciprocated with a despondent look of his own.
“It’s gonna be okay,” he said. “I know it’s scary when me and mommy yell. But it’s not your fault, okay? You’re a good kid. Mommy’s just…just a bit stressed out right now.”
None of the words meant a thing to Aiden, his reality warping and fuzzing out once more.
He didn’t process a single thing that occurred after. Not the walk out of the building, nor the drive home cut short by the wail of a police siren behind Anthony’s vehicle.
July 2001
Gazing at the starry heavens relaxed Aiden like always. He stared up in awe, laying next to Masika in their backyard. Fingers locked and her warmth contagious, he couldn’t help but boast a goofy, wide smile.
Tonight marked fourteen years since the night they shared at the barn. Aiden couldn’t process how fast time had passed since. Everything between then and now felt like a distant, faint dream. Though deep cuts and pain from the past remained, Aiden couldn’t be more grateful with how everything turned out. Not only did he have the love of his life, but he had a child he would do anything for.
Bug had been part of the festivities earlier in the day, helping Aiden and Masika prepare dinner. All three enjoyed a hearty stew before sitting down to watch a movie. Bug fell asleep halfway through, whereafter Masika and Aiden put them to bed, granting a goodnight kiss before slipping away to the stars.
Masika let out a contented sigh, sitting up and hugging her knees. “Fourteen years, huh?
Aiden grinned at her, “Time’s flying by, isn’t it?”
“It still feels strange to be here. To have a family with you.”
“I thought that was what you wanted,” upon seeing her look of shock, he clarified. “That wasn’t passive aggressive, my love.”
She rubbed her arm. “It is what I wanted. But still feel like I don’t deserve it–”
Launching up–and getting a bit dizzy in the process–he granted her a passionate, deep kiss. He climbed on top of her, pecking every visible part of her flesh, ending with her collarbones. Moving away, he signed, “Still feel like you don’t deserve it?”
“Even if you kissed every inch of me, still would feel that way. Sorry to tell you,” seeing his frown, she cupped his face. “But appreciate you so much. May never get used to it, but I’ll always be grateful.”
She lured him closer with a sultry gaze. He fell onto her lips again, hungrily grasping her waist. The touches traveled to her thighs, eliciting an erection. He rocked his hips against her as she gasped.
“Fuck,” she muttered, planting hands on his hips. She chuckled, “Probably shouldn’t be doing this outside. Damn skeeters will tear us to bits.”
He let go of her to sign, “Good point.”
Relocating to the bedroom, Masika got straight to business. She pushed him facedown onto the bed, pulling down his jeans and underwear to completely expose him. His thighs trembled with anticipation of her tongue. Sure enough, she spread him open, ready to dig in.
As soon as she began, tiny knocks resounded from the other side of the door. The locked handle jiggled. Masika hurriedly re-dressed Aiden, wiping her lips before approaching. Once he gave her a thumbs up that he was decent and composed, she unlocked it.
Bug stood in the doorway, bleary-eyed. They threw themself into Masika’s arms and sobbed. She patted their back. “Aw, what’s the matter?”
Burying their nose in her shoulder, they mumbled, “I had a scary dream. I wanna sleep here.”
“That’s okay,” she told them.
As she rocked them, Aiden got an idea. He walked over to the desk, grabbing Mr. Snuggles from his usual spot behind the pencils. He tucked it under his arm while Masika and Bug got into bed.
“You had a nightmare, huh?” He joined them as she ruffled Bug’s hair. “Well, I know someone who can help with that.”
“Who?” Bug asked.
He unveiled the aged golden retriever plush with a grin. Bug’s eyes brightened at the sight as he passed it to them. “This is Mr. Snuggles. He’s really soft, and loves cuddling. If you ever get scared, hugging him real tight will make you feel better.”
“Where did he come from?”
“My dad gave it to me a long, long time ago.”
“Your daddy sounds nice,” they said. “Where is he?”
Though he should’ve expected the question, his hand movements stuttered. He admonished himself; his dad had been dead for so long, so why did he still want to scream and wail every time he thought about it? Reluctantly admitting to himself that grief never really goes away, he instead focused on how to respond to Bug.
“Far, far away. In another place,” he said. “I’ll tell you about him one day. Why don’t we get some rest, huh?”
“Okay!”
Squishing Bug into the middle of the bed, Aiden hummed until they couldn’t keep their eyes open. As soon as Bug dozed off, Aiden poked Masika. She too had passed out, squeezing Bug in her sleep. Not tired enough to relax and still bleeding from old wounds, Aiden opted to roll a blunt downstairs.
Now back outside, he sat on the patio, taking deep hits until it was a little easier to process his emotions. He wept until he couldn’t anymore, paving way for a shutdown. Staring at the ashtray with empty eyes, a surge of anger breached through the void.
Even though the pig who murdered Anthony was long dead, Aiden still wished for a world where the bastard never crossed paths with his family. Officer Dalton, even in death, brought Hell upon him. He would never have a normal life again, and Abeje sure as shit wouldn’t. Why couldn’t he leave them be? Isn’t the ghost of his actions more than enough torture?
A hand met Aiden’s shoulder. Calloused fingers grazed his neck when he jumped,“Safe, you are. Just me. Got worried when I saw you were gone.”
He turned, kissing Masika’s hand before signing, “I’m sorry. I needed a second alone.”
“Do you still want to be alone?” when he shook his head, she brushed a braid out of his face. “Talk to me, if you would like.”
As she sat, he shook his head in frustration. “I didn’t expect Bug to ask about my dad. I feel bad not telling them he’s dead, but I’m not ready to have that conversation with them yet.”
“Neither am I. One day, they’ll know what death is. But you made the right call. That would have been devastating to learn about after a nightmare.”
“Yeah…” He motioned the blunt towards her. “Want a hit?”
Placing a hand on his hip, she tossed him a smirk. “Only if you shotgun me.”
Pinning her with a pliant stare, he inhaled as much smoke as he could. As their lips brushed together, he delivered the hit straight to her lungs. It dispelled from her lips as she captured him in a kiss. Still wound up from the earlier tease, he suckled her neck. She chuckled.
“Killing me here,” she told him. “Soon as we have alone time again, that pussy is mine.”
The prospect alone made Aiden throb. He moved away with a smile. “Deal,” he signed. “For now, let’s get to bed.”
Allowing the high to take him away and melt all his worries, Aiden went upstairs with Masika. Their hands remained tethered until the two crawled into bed. Bug stirred, only to be met with a forehead kiss from each parent. Aiden admired Masika’s silhouette in the darkness, finding sleep soon after.
June 2012
The bland, lifeless walls of Aiden’s cell fostered restlessness as he reflected on his tortuous prison stay. For the past nine years, the tiny, cramped room had been his home. He couldn’t stay on testosterone. He was mocked by staff and inmates alike. For his “safety”-—after multiple incidents of inmates attacking him—he’d been thrown in solitary confinement weekly, maddening him further. All the while, Bug’s hollowed, empty stare haunted him. Masika’s beautiful smile often eclipsed it, but never for long.
Today, he would be free of the place for good.
When his lawyer Jade approached him offering to file a motion to set aside judgement, Aiden was skeptical of charges getting dropped. He wanted more than anything to be free so he could find Bug. But he didn’t think reopening his case would do much good, if at all. And it certainly wouldn’t guarantee his freedom.
He underestimated the strength of the direct evidence Jade had; a mountain of testimonies from several women in Pike Road. Some old, some young, all weaving similar tales of sexual assault and rape. It’d been incredibly difficult to sit through the new hearings, to hear the torture Dalton inflicted on so many. But to his surprise, and the victims’, the court ruled in their favor. Aiden and Abeje were relieved of their murder-related charges, their actions ruled as self defense.
Any minute now, Aiden would be escorted out of prison. He was more than surprised when Mahpiya volunteered to pick him up. Though it would be highly uncharacteristic, he half-believed that Mahpiya forgot about him. Perhaps this was fueled by Mahpiya’s actions–leaving him and Bug behind in a dingy hotel room to check on Masika–or how Aiden didn’t hear a peep from or about him until now. Either way, he steeled himself to face him. In daydreams, Aiden would walk outside to see an older Bug accompanying Mahpiya. This whole time, he believed that Mahpiya managed to save Bug from his unintentional abandonment. He imagined Mahpiya raising them as his own, biding time. Maybe, just maybe, Masika was okay too.
All hopes shattered as soon as Aiden stepped outside, holding a box of his clothes. Mahpiya awaited—and not a single other soul. Though the walls began to close around his mind, signaling a shutdown, Aiden swallowed his upset. Upon noticing him, Mahpiya rushed over. Mahpiya squeezed Aiden in an embrace.
“I’m so sorry,” Mahpiya said. “I’m so fucking sorry.”
***
A long drive to North Dakota left Aiden’s bones and limbs screaming in protest. He resisted the urge to lay down as soon as Mahpiya let him into his apartment. More than anything, he needed to know what the fuck happened, and why Bug and Masika were still unaccounted for. He waited until both sat across each other at the dining room table.
“What happened?”
In all the years Aiden knew him, Mahpiya never cried. So when tears poured down his face, Aiden stiffened. His gaze fell to his weathered hands, avoiding Aiden’s as he said, “By the time I got to Masika, the apartment was gone. Burned down. And I couldn’t find her anywhere. Not until I saw her on the news.”
“What did you see? Where is she?”
Opening up his laptop, Mahpiya typed quickly before turning the screen to Aiden. He shuddered, weeping as Aiden’s eyes scanned the headline, then Masika’s mugshot below it. His own tears formed at the sight. Reading the charges–several ones of first-degree murder–his hands curled into fists.
That evil, white bitch, Aiden thought. She fucking set us up.
Though we wanted to throw the device across the room, he pushed it towards Mahpiya. “And what about Bug? Please tell me you went back. Please tell me they’re safe.”
“When I returned to the hotel, they were gone too. Staff said someone already turned the room keys in. I think whoever did that might have taken them away.”
Fear rattled Aiden’s bones. Still, he signed, “Maybe it wasn’t someone bad. Maybe…maybe it was someone kind. Someone who wouldn’t hurt them.”
“Aiden…” Mahpiya shook his head. “I want to believe as much as you do that they’re okay–”
“I don’t believe it. I know it,” Aiden’s eyebrows furrowed. “Listen to me. I know my kid. They are out there somewhere. I don’t know where. But I’m gonna figure it out.”
With a deep, long sigh, Mahpiya conceded, “I’m with you. Where do you wanna start?”
“I was thinking Craydon. If Ruby’s still around, she might have some information.” Guilt nipped at Aiden for disregarding Mahpiya’s emotions to prioritize his own.“I’m sorry for dismissing you. Do you need to talk?”
Mahpiya’s nostrils flared as he exhaled. “It’s hard to put how I feel into words. But knowing that Masika will die the same way my mother did…it fucking hurts, Aiden. I can’t stomach the thought.”
“Maybe we can get her out of there.”
“Let’s try to find Bug first.” Mahpiya said. “One thing at a time.”
***
The search for Bug began in the west, Aiden plotting to sweep through Nevada to retrace his steps. In order to communicate throughout the drive, Mahpiya purchased an AAC device. Though it felt foreign to use, he got the hang of it after a day or two of travel.
Aiden visited Abeje in prison first, happy to see her a little more lively. She had a bit longer to go in the pen, but would be free soon enough. He hoped to celebrate with her the moment she got out.
Wishing her goodbye, Mahpiya took Aiden to Craydon. He stopped by the old apartment finding nothing but ash and the overgrown, wild plants dominating the backyard. He visited his old job next. Sadness seeped into his blood at the sight of a boarded up building and empty parking lot.
“Where to next?” Mahpiya asked as Aiden tried to mask his tears.
“Let’s go see if Ruby’s still around.”
Aiden’s gut twisted into knots when Mahpiya pulled into Ruby’s driveway. Though he only visited her once or twice before this, Aiden recognized the differences in the home’s appearance. Her husband’s car wasn’t in the driveway, and hers succumbed to vines and weeds. Grime coated the exterior paint, and all the plants outside were dead. The foundation sank into the ground, no longer fully above it, giving the building a slant. The amount of change irked Aiden, though it made sense given the passage of time. He led the charge, leaving Mahpiya in the dust to knock on the door.
A young lightskinned Black woman answered, wearing scrubs. “May I help you?”
“My name is Aiden. This is Mahpiya. We’re looking for Mrs. Ruby.”
“It’s Miss Ruby now,” the woman corrected. “Let me ask if you can come in–”
Ruby’s voice boomed from within the house. “Who is it?”
Leaning back, the caretaker shouted, “Somebody named Aiden and his friend Mahpiya.”
“Let ‘em in.”
As the stranger stepped aside, Aiden made his way to the living room. Ruby lounged in an old recliner, rubbing her hands together. At sight of Aiden, she chuckled.
“Well, look what the cat dragged in,” she said, eyes softening as he approached. “I thought Judy was pullin’ my leg when she said your name. Judy, can you grab a notepad and pen?”
Taking out the device, Aiden spoke, “I can talk like this, no need.”
“Fancy. Well, don’t just stand there. Give me a hug.” Aiden bent down to embrace her, unable to stop a smile from forming. Her touch lingered on his arm as he pulled away. She gestured to the couch, “You and your friend have a seat.”
“I don’t know how to ask this, but…are you widowed now?” Aiden questioned.
“Yes. My husband died a few years back. He was an old fool, but he was my fool. I miss him. And I miss the school. Had to close it down when I started running out of money.”
“I’m sorry.”
“It was a beautiful thing while it lasted,” She replied. “Let’s skip the small talk. What you want from me, Aiden?”
“Do you remember the day of the farewell party? If you do, I need to know if you saw anything that day. Or the day after.”
Ruby turned to her caretaker, “Judy. Give us privacy, please.” Judy obliged, and Ruby waited for a door to close to continue. “Your lady friend came by the night after the party, askin’ if she could burn the apartment down.”
Aiden frowned. Of course, even in a moment of desperation, Masika had sought permission. “I know she’s been arrested. I’m looking for our baby. Have you seen anyone new around town in the past few years? Maybe a visitor?”
“You had a kid with her?”
Aiden nodded. “My break was a paternity leave of sorts.”
“I see. Well…I ain’t out much nowadays, so I dunno if anyone new is around. Judy might know better than me.”
Judy didn’t have any useful information, and it didn’t help that Aiden had no clue what Bug looked like now. Though Aiden should’ve sprung to his feet as soon as he reached the dead end, he just sank further into the cushion. Mahpiya, recognizing his strife, offered his hand. Aiden took it, trying to steady his breathing.
“It’s gonna be okay,” Mahpiya told him.
“I’m sorry we can’t help,” Ruby said sadly. “I wish I could do more.”
“It’s alright,” Aiden said, letting go of Mahpiya. “The search has just begun. I’m not giving up yet.”
He stayed a little bit longer, if only to reward Ruby for her eternal kindness by lending an ear. She chatted about her new favorite show until insisting he leave.
“Stay safe out there. I’m glad I could see you one last time,” When he hugged her one last time, she smiled into his shoulder. “Good luck finding your kid.”
With that, the pair left. Mahpiya’s worried gaze seared into Aiden back in the car. “Where now?”
Aiden met him with glossy eyes. “I’m not sure. Maybe a hotel. I need to think.”
Neither wanted to get a room anywhere near where everything went to shit in Nevada, so Mahpiya got one in Oregon. As soon as the two settled, Aiden asked if Mahpiya brought his laptop.
“Yeah,” he passed it to him before collapsing onto the bed. “I might fall asleep, but I’m here for you.”
“Thank you.” Aiden signed.
He cracked the laptop lid open, preparing himself for a rabbit hole of research.
June 2013
State after state, drive after drive, and no leads to alleviate Aiden’s distress.
Aiden and Mahpiya began their search formally in Florida, planning to gradually crawl through the bible belt. Using yellowpages, Aiden called any Bug he could. The few people he spoke to had been willing to meet with him, but none of them were his child. This process repeated through Georgia, up the Carolinas and to Virginia. The longer the journey went on, the wearier Aiden became.
In between, Mahpiya picked up jobs. Whenever he was gone, Aiden dug for further clues online. This always led to meltdowns. He’d end up staring at Masika’s mugshot, frantically sobbing. I failed you. I failed Bug. Why couldn’t I stop Everlee? Why am I so fucking weak? He thought without fail, hands curling into fists until his nails bit into his skin.
He shed several pounds from the stress, gray hairs sprouting in what little beard hairs remained on his face. They appeared in his hair too, streaking through the deep brown locs. Through everything, Mahpiya maintained patience. Aiden expected Mahpiya to tell him to give up on the mission, but he didn’t. Ever loyal, he’d soothe Aiden with reassurances.
“This is my responsibility, too. I’m with you until the end. Whatever that means. I’ll help you look for Bug forever if I have to.”
By the time the pair reached Virginia, a single glimmer of hope fueled Aiden. Unaware of its origin but grateful, Aiden resolved himself. Throughout his search online, he only found a total of two people of interest in the entire state. The first person was a dead end, and Mahpiya wanted to help with a delivery before the next visit. On the way to Bakersville, where the patient resided, Mahpiya noticed the constant rumbling of Aiden’s stomach.
“When was the last time you ate?” When Aiden shrugged, Mahpiya chuckled. “I’ll drop you off somewhere you can eat. Are you okay with staying there until I’m done?”
“Yes,” Aiden said. In the beginning, he’d been go-go-go. But this killed both him and Mahpiya’s bodies, so he tried to work on his resistance to resting.
Mahpiya brought him to the first food place he came across–a medium sized building tucked between a convenience store and hair salon. Bold lettering read “Rogue Goods.”
“Is this okay?” Mahpiya clarified.
“Sure.”
Inside, he ordered musakhan, choosing to eat it outside. As he admired the trees across the street, watching their branches dance in the wind, he tried not to spiral. Deep, deep down, he didn’t want to find Bug. He wanted to face punishment for his failure. A small part of him wished to be locked up again, rotting in a prison cell. He deserved it. He deserved it for abandoning them, for failing Masika.
A voice in his head–sounding a lot like Abeje’s–counteracted this. You made a mistake. A big one, yeah, but there’s time to fix it. Are you gonna wallow in pity, or are you gonna do something about it?
Unable to argue with it, he conceded. He got up to use the bathroom, only to trip over his own feet. Landing on his knee, he crumbled to the ground. Sitting on his behind, he investigated the giant tear in his pants that resulted. Blood poured from a scrape, and he internally cursed at himself. Of course he did this when his doctor friend wasn’t around.
“Hey, are you okay?”
Aiden didn’t look at the owner of the voice; only a hand that was offered to him. He accepted it, and the stranger pulled him to a stand. An Indian woman helped him into a chair, where the two made brief eye contact. For some reason, her eyes widened, a glaze of shock shining in her pupils.
“S-Sorry. I normally don’t stare,” She said, glancing at the hole in his jeans. “You’re bleeding. Why don’t I patch you up?”
She helped him back into the chair before scurrying back inside. Returning with a first aid kit, she kneeled in front of him. Nervous yet curiously glanced at him continued as she patched him up. He reached into his satchel, taking out the AAC device. “Thank you,” he told her.
“It’s no problem,” she replied. Once a bandaid eclipsed the wound, she stood. She adjusted her septum piercing, shifting her weight. “Um…are you a tourist?”
He shook his head. “My friend’s here for work, and I’m–” he hesitated, choosing his words carefully. “I’m looking for somebody.”
As if a lightbulb lit up in her head, she softly smiled. “May I ask who?”
“What are you, a fed?” He said lightheartedly. “Just pulling your leg. But really, I should be careful with what I say.”
She sat across from him, setting the kit down and getting out her wallet. “Well. It’s funny,” she said, taking out a photo from it. “You look a lot like someone I know.”
As she slid it over, he raised his eyebrows. He joked about her being a fed, but now, he wondered if he was right. Why else would she say such strange things, slide him an image all sneak-like?
Yet, he found himself turning it over. As soon as he did, his eyes widened.
A reflection–younger, boasting his partner’s tooth gap–stared back at him. He choked up as he met the stranger’s eyes.
“I’m Esha,” she said. “And I think you should come with me.”